Merry Christmas everyone! As we’re spending time with family and exchanging gifts, we have a football game to look forward to mixed in along with the traditional basketball. I hope everyone got what they wanted for Christmas, and here are my picks for this weekend’s games.
Last Week’s Score: 12-4
Overall Score: 150-73-1
Here are the playoff scenarios for this weekend
AFC
Chiefs Clinch first-round bye: win/tie, or Steelers loss/tie, or Bills loss/tie
Steelers Clinch AFC North: win, or Browns loss, or tie + Browns tie
Titans clinch AFC South: win + Colts loss
Titans clinch playoff berth: win, or Dolphins loss, or Ravens loss or tie + Ravens tie
Browns Clinch Playoff Berth: win + Ravens loss/tie, or win + Dolphins loss/tie, or win + Colts loss, or tie + Ravens loss or tie + Dolphins loss
Colts Clinch Playoff Berth: win + Ravens loss/tie, or win + Dolphins loss/tie, or tie + Ravens loss, or tie + Dolphins loss
Raiders eliminated: loss or Ravens win
NFC
Saints Clinch NFC South: win, or Buccaneers loss, or tie + Buccaneers tie
Seahawks clinch NFC West: win
The Football Team Clinch NFC East: win + Giants loss/tie, or tie + Giants loss + Eagles-Cowboys tie
Buccaneers clinch playoff berth: win/tie, or Bears loss/tie
Cowboys eliminated: loss or Washington win
Eagles eliminated: loss or Washington win
Bears eliminated: loss + Cardinals win
Vikings eliminated: loss or Cardinals win
Clinched Teams: Packers, Chiefs, Steelers, Saints, Bills, Seahawks, Bills
Eliminated Teams: New York Jets, Jaguars, Los Angeles Chargers, Bengals, Falcons, Texans, Patriots, Panthers
Christmas Day Football: Minnesota Vikings (6-8) @ New Orleans Saints (10-4)
We got us a ballgame on christmas day as the Vikings travel to bourbon street. The Vikings fell to the Bears in a close matchup, and now their playoff futures are dead. If they lose it’s official, but the Vikings’ playoff hopes are dead in the water. As for the Saints, they just have to win this week and they’re AFC South champions once again. With Drew Brees back, the Saints hung in there with the Chiefs to the bitter end, and look like an elite team once again. I’m taking the Saints to clinch the division and send the Vikings packing with lumps of coal in their stockings.
Prediction: Saints
Tampa Bay Buccaneers (9-5) @ Detroit Lions (5-9)
All the Bucs have to do is win and they’re in the playoffs for the first time in a decade. Good thing they’re playing the Lions, so that means that this should be a cakewalk for Bruce Arians’ squad and give Brady his nineteenth trip to the postseason.
Prediction: Bucs
San Francisco 49ers (5-9) @ Arizona Cardinals (8-6)
San Fran almost beat the Cowboys last week and they have the chance to play spoiler for one of their division rivals. Now if the Cardinals lose this weekend they won’t be eliminated outright, but it’ll make their road to the playoffs that much harder. They had a close game with the Eagles last week, but managed to pull it out. I’ll be taking Arizona to trounce the Niners and get ready for an important week 17.
Prediction: Cardinals
Miami Dolphins (9-5) @ Las Vegas Raiders (7-7)
This is a pivotal game for the AFC Playoffs. If the Raiders lose, they’re done and a win for Miami would go huge for their own playoff aspirations. The Dolphins are rolling and are one of the best 180s in recent NFL history. After being one of the least talented teams we’ve ever seen to a team that’s looking dominant and on the upswing. If Brian Flores doesn’t win coach of the year I’ll be shocked. Anyway, I’ll take the Dolphins to beat the Raiders and send Chucky packing.
Prediction: Dolphins
Chicago Bears (7-7) @ Jacksonville Jaguars (1-13)
It looks like Trevor Lawrence is All Elite because although the Jags lost, they own the #1 pick after the Rams did the impossible. Anyway, the Jags continue their own tank and give the Bears a freebie.
Prediction: Bears
Carolina Panthers (4-10) @ Washington Football Team (6-8)
Riverboat Ron has a chance to get even with his former team as the football team host the Panthers. Speaking of the Football team, they’re falling apart again. Dan Snyder had another allegation of sexual assault come out against him, with the WFT paying $1.6 Million in hush money. And second year quarterback Dwayne Haskins was caught partying at a strip club after last weekend’ loss, and despite fans calling for his release, Haskins was fined and his captainship was revoked. While the WFT are optimistic that Alex Smith can play this weekend, if he can’t go then Dwayne will likely start. Anyway, the Panthers had a close loss to the Panthers last week and have a chance to play spoiler for the Football Team’s playoff chances. I think that this’ll be a close game between two of the league’s bottom feeding offenses, and I think the Football Team’s defense will get them the win.
Prediction: Riverboat Ron gets his revenge
Atlanta Falcons (4-10) @ Kansas City Chiefs (13-1)
The Falcons had a 95.3% chance of beating the Buccaneers after having a double digit lead in the third quarter. But we all know what happened, they blew it. Again. And against the Chiefs this weekend, it’ll be nothing short of complete and utter devastation.
Prediction: Falcons get slaughtered
Indianapolis Colts (10-4) @ Pittsburgh Steelers (11-3)
How? After an 11-0 start, the Steelers have lost three straight games including a team that’s bumbling over their own two feet. Once again for the fourth week in a row, the Steelers have a chance of winning the division this weekend but the Browns are hot on their tails. The Colts are coming off of a game where they played down to their competition, and they have
Prediction: Colts
Cleveland Browns (10-4) @ New York Jets (1-13)
How? How did a perfectly sculpted tank get destroyed? The Jets beat the Rams in the shocking upset of the season and due to tiebreaker, the Jaguars now have the #1 draft pick. And a big shoutout to the Browns. They have an opportunity to clinch a playoff berth for the first time in nearly twenty years. Good thing they’re playing the Jets, who are more than happy to lay down and die so Cleveland can be playoff bound.
Prediction: Jets
Cincinnati Bengals (3-10-1) @ Houston Texans (4-10)
The Bungles beat the Steelers. No, that isn’t a typo. The Bengals handed the Steelers their third straight loss and are still in contention for drafting Pen Sewell with the #3 pick. As for the Texans, yeah they’re going to be in hell over the next couple of years. They’ll be godawful but won’t be able to benefit from the draft capital thanks to Bill O’Brien being an idiot. I’ll take Houston because the Bengals should go back to being awful, but we’ll see.
Prediction: Texans
New York Giants (5-9) @ Baltimore Ravens (9-5)
The Giants got teabagged by the Browns and they started their backup quarterback Colt McCoy and ex-Browns head coach Freddie Kitchens filled in for Jason Garrett for play calling duties. No wonder they lost. The Browns go on the road to Baltimore, fresh off of their bye week in Jacksonville and are still fighting for playoff aspirations.
Prediction: Ravens
Denver Broncos (5-9) @ Los Angeles Chargers (5-9)
Two AFC West in the pit of mediocrity clash over draft superiority. The Broncos got teabagged against the Bills on Saturday, showing everyone that Vic Fangio may be on his way out the door soon. The Chargers also lost to their rivals on national TV last week, and honestly how is Anthony Lynn still employed? It’s unbelievable and he’s going to find a way to lose to the Broncos this weekend.
Prediction: Broncos
Philadelphia Eagles (4-9-1) @ Dallas Cowboys (5-9)
For both of these teams, it’s win or go home. Yes, the Eagles could still win the division thanks to a mountain of shenanigans. Carson Wentz has gone on to say that if Jalen Hurts is the permanent starter, he will demand a trade one year after signing a massive extension. Hurts has played well in the past two weeks and I’m sure he’ll have another good performance here. As for the Cowboys, they were in a shootout with the Niners, and I think this’ll probably be another shootout. I’ll take the Eagles to trounce the Cowboys and finally eliminate them from playoff contention.
Prediction: Eagles
Los Angeles Rams (9-5) @ Seattle Seahawks (10-4)
Leave it to Stan Kroenke to ruin all of our dreams of another perfect season. The Rams did the unthinkable and destroyed the Jets’ tank. As for the Seahawks, they’re playoff bound and all they gotta do is beat the Rams and they’ll win the NFC West.
Prediction: Rams
Sunday Night Football: Tennessee Titans (10-4) @ Green Bay Packers (11-3)
Despite the Packers being 11-3, they only have one win against a team with a winning record but they aren’t getting called fraudulent like the Steelers are. The Packers play their toughest game this season against the Titans, who with the might of king Derrick Henry I, steamrolled the Detroit Lions.
Prediction: Packers
Monday Night Football: Buffalo Bills (11-3) @ New England Patriots (6-8)
The Bills did it. For the first time in two and a half decades the Bills are AFC East Champions. And, the Patriots are officially eliminated from the playoffs! This is only the third time since Belichick was hired in 2000, and it was his first not winning season in twenty seasons.
Prediction: Bills
Breaking It Down With DKown 